The Uncertain Notebooks (Option 1)

I’m taking my dog on a walk at Greys Lake. The air is starting to get chilly—the first signs of fall. After we’ve taken a few laps we hop into the car and drive back to the apartment I share with one of my closest friends. Dropping my keys on the counter and taking my dog’s leash off, I call out to her signaling that I’m home. We’re in a studio near downtown Des Moines, where we both work. It’s been a lazy Sunday; something I cherish when I think back to how I dreaded the bustle of a Sunday full of homework when I was in college.

I really enjoy my job; I’m working at Meredith Corporation as an email content specialist—sounds super fancy, but I mostly compose emails in a way that gets people to open and read them. But I still get to write and do something I care about, and I feel like I’m good at it so that doesn’t hurt either.

I have a great support system of friends and family close by, so I’m never alone. It took a lot to get where I am and to feel okay (including copious amounts of wine), but I managed to and I’m happy now and excited for what the future will hold. I think back to a time when I imagined a very different future, one that I was planning with my boyfriend in college. I was stressed about the upcoming decisions we would have to make together in order to make the relationship work. I remember being so ready to put in the effort to make it work and I honestly believed it would. Because when two people just fit perfectly together how could it not?

I remember being so concerned about the decisions we would have to make upon graduation and what it would mean for us. But I was optimistic. I was hopeful. I knew in my heart this person was worth the trouble of a few tough decisions. When you can see so clearly your future, and you’ve been planning it with the intentions of sharing it with this person, you don’t ever imagine that it could be taken away. When the love is there you think there’s no possible reason it should end.

But then it does. And the choice to make your life decisions is made for you.